September 15, 2005
Sledging at its best... by Tris
Sledging is the term used in cricket for the banter that goes on between the opposing teams, below are some of the best...
1. Rod Marsh & Ian Botham: When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"
2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne: As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him.
"Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.
3. Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes): "Hey Eddo, why are you so fucking fat?"
Eddo Brandes: "Because every time I fuck your mother, she throws me a biscuit"
4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes: During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: "You can't fucking bat".
Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a
fine pair. I can't fucking bat & you can't fucking bowl."
5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad: During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv
a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed:
"Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.
6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries.
"This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl."
Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say fuck off."
7. And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney...
"You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat cunt!!!"
8. James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh.......
MW : "Fuck me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England"
JO : "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family"
9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's d*ck taste like?"
Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife."
McGrath (losing it): "If you ever effing mention my wife again, I'll fucking rip your fucking throat out."
10. Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark - "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you're fucking useless now".
Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb cunt".
11. Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive.
Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."
12. Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word.
At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred".
"So should your mother" he replied.
Comments
You missed my favourite: Some county trundler is bowling to Viv Richards who plays and misses twice at the ball.
CT: Ball, Viv, hit the ball. It's round, it's red and it weights 5 1/4 oz.
Next ball Sir Vivian hits it out of the ground.
VR: Ya know what it look like man, nah go fetch it.
